An Open Letter to Friends

Dear friends,

First, I love you. No buts or ifs. No judging. I. Love. You.

Some friends come and go. Some friends stay for a long time. I value all kinds. If we are no longer active in each other's lives just know I probably still think about you. More importantly, know that I would be there for you in an instant if you ever needed something. I hope that you feel the same, but it's quite alright if you dont. Things change. People move on.

What I can't do is watch you hurt. If someone is hurting you in any way or if you're hurting yourself in some way, I am sorry to say there is only so much of that I can bear. I will be your shoulder to cry on, your ear to listen, your sound advice. I will not be your sole problem solver or therapist. I can take you so far. You must do the rest. And I beg of you to do so. For you.

Please understand that if I distance myself it's only because I try to bear the burden for you and I cannot. It pains me. I worry for you. And sometimes I have to be selfish and, for my own sanity, take a step back.

But I love and cherish you. I will be there for you if you reach out. I want the best for you. Always.

This is not the first time. And may not be the last.

I remain.

Your friend.

Dirty hairbrush? Clean it up!

Random quick post. I've done a lot of research on this. It's all the same. Your gunky hair brush? So normal. There's no getting around it. I hardly use any hair product and I still feel like my brush gets so gross so fast. So here's some tips and tricks.

There's no substitute for manual cleaning.

Remove as much hair as possible between brushings. Otherwise you might as well be running your oily fingertips through your hair everytime you brush.

Tweezers are your friend. Or another brush, but my style brush requires tweezers.

Depending on your brush there are different methods. Once I tweezer as much of the gunk off, I give it a hot water/lemon juice bath and a good scrub with an old toothbrush. If you prefer you can use a mild dish soap or your shampoo. But not too much and be sure to rinse well.

My picture is embarassing, but I think we can all agree we are not alone in this. At the end it looks shiny and practically new.

If you're wondering, this is a Goody Clean Radiance brush with copper bristles.

Tell me- what's your everyday necessity you hate cleaning or don't know how to clean?

Getting Older

As my 30th birthday approaches I can feel things subtly shifting within me.

I'm less tolerant of other people's indecisiveness, drama and general lack of commitment/consideration.

 Found here

I'm increasingly interested in doing more with my free time, including volunteer work. Which, I'll admit, I have yet to actually start. Mostly I stills just sit around and craft or do laundry in my spare time. But I've taken some steps towards other things.

I also want a child- in the not SO distant future. I've always had random urges to have children. I just feel it stronger within me. Like down to the core. Almost as if something was missing in my life. (Not to be confused with wanting to be pregnant, then birth a child - can we skip that part?)

I just want to start a family, have another little person around to fill the void. I can feel it.

Its a little unsettling. But I just watched an awesome clip of Drew Barrymore talking to Ellen about turning 40 and how she "finally feels her age." In a good way. And you know what? I think I might too.

Though, I DID just get carded while ordering a cider at lunch with my parents. So there's that.

Don't get me wrong. I have a good life. Not always great, but good. Good food on my plate. A reliable new car. A decent roof over my head. And a husband who works his arse off to make our lives better. What more could I want on the cusp of 30?

Tell me, what are your getting older stories?

Self

I wasn't going to weigh in on the Bruce Caitlyn Jenner topic. But I've read so much hate and ignorance, I can't help myself. Let's get to it.

Are there better role models for the community? YES! However, Caitlyn is doing her best to separate herself from the Kardashians. Lets also remember, Bruce was an Olympic athlete. BEFORE ALL OF THIS. And howany other in the teams community have this kind of platform already to bring so much awareness? Not many. The ESPN Courage award is debatable, but kudos to them anyway.

One of the most profound things I read was a quote from 'the' interview about how Chris would go to bed at night thinking his life had been wasted. What a terrible thought to have in your head, eating away at your souls, night after night.

On the flip side of that, Caitlyn was a little taken aback by her new face after surgery. People take this as a sign that this is not an authentic change or as a publicity stunt. Woah woah woah. Caitlyn lived as Bruce her entire life until recently. I would be shocked if there wasn't a spark of doubt. I applaud her for speaking about it! A tattoo is a permanent change to your body, and no matter how sure you are of your choice, there's always a chance you may look at it after the fact and wonder "should I have just done that?" Maybe not the best comparison, but I hope it offers some insight.

Does Caitlyn have other issues? No doubt. But deep in her heart she believes this is who she is meant to be. Who are we to judge that? It's not hurting anyone for her to be herself.

Too many people want to know will Caitlyn date men or women? Uhm, again, its not about who she is sexually, physically, or mentally attracted to. Its being comfortable with yourself first and foremost. And at the end of the day Love is Love.

What is SELF? It's a combination of many things. Mind, heart, body, spirit. All of these needs to be in harmony. Otherwise, you live in disharmony. I am sure we have all experienced this at some point in our lives and we all have ways of expressing our true selves. For some it may be a musical outlet, or as simple as having an unnatural hair color. For others, it runs far deeper an far more extreme.

I'm no stranger to supporting human rights. Of all kinds. I refuse to give up on people that we can make this a better place to live.

Man and Wife! Say Man and Wife! - Off Beat Ceremony

It's our 6 Month Anniversary! So in case you want to re-live our ceremony like I do... please enjoy! :)

Music/Processional

*Adam to play everyone in*

Order:

Juan w/ Rings *Lauryn Hill*

Julia and Monte *Lauryn Hill*

Me and dad *Foo Fighters*

INTRODUCTION

Good evening. Our bride and groom would have asked me to take a moment to thank all of you being here to share this very important day with them. As all of you may know, Nelson and Meagan are both… well… how shall I put this?

They’re geeks. There. I said it. They love Sci-fi movies, Super Heroes and video games almost as much as they love each other.

And so, before we begin, I’d like to take a moment to recite for you some of the most romantic… and geekyest quotes that Nelson and Meagan could find.

“There’s a lot of things you need to get across this universe. Warp drive, wormhole refractors… But you know the thing you need most of all? You need a hand to hold” (Doctor Who)

See? Beautiful. But geeky.

“I would rather share one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone” Arwen to Aragorn in The Lord of the Rings

“I came across time for you. I love you. I always have. Kyle Reese to Sarah Connor – From The Terminator

“If we join together, no force can stop us” (Excerpt from the Klingon wedding Ceremony of Worf + Jad-zia. Star Trek: Deep Space 9.

And of course… No geek wedding would be complete without this quote. The final word on marriage in all of Geekdome.

“Mawwidge- Mawidge is what brings us togethah today. mawidge, that bwessed arrangement! That dweam witfin a dweam. Then Wuv… Twu wuv… will fowwwow youuuuuuuuu foweverrrrrrrr. So Tweasure your wuv.

MEAGAN

All right. Let’s get on with it….

DAN

And on that note. I think we are ready to begin our ceremony.

An Irish Blessing, selected by the bride.

May the gentle breeze bear witness to this ritual and carry a message to all the lands.

May the sun warm their hearts, and its ever-burning fire fuel their desire for each other.

May the sea provide for them its bounty and comfort their souls with its sounds.

May the earth lend its strength and reveal its mysteries.

BLESSING OF THE PARENTS

Ladies and Gentlemen, we are here today to be witnesses to the union of Nelson and Meagan, whom we all know and love. But perhaps none have loved and influenced them more than their own parents. It is with great respect that we ask their parents to bless this union.

Mary and Joe

Do you sanction this marriage with your blessing and receive these two respectively into your homes, with love, as a member of your family?

*we do

Nelson and Carmen.

Do you sanction this marriage with your blessing and receive these two respectively into your homes, with love, as a member of your family?

*We do

Thank you. Without your blessing… this could have been very awkward.

BLESSING OF THE RINGS

And who has the rings?

Let us not forget that a ring is nothing more than a bit of metal, precious metal, but metal none the less. It is cold, until warmed by loving hands.

At this time, we are going to pass the ring box around the room. I ask that each of you hold the ring box for but a moment, and warm it with your love, then pass it along. As you, their family and friends do so, please wish these two health and happiness; all that is noble and good in life. When these rings come back they will contain in their precious metal, that which is more precious… that which is priceless: your love, hope, and pledge of support.

In the meantime, Meagan and Nelson have selected some readings that speak about who they are both as individuals and together as a couple.

First, we would like to invite Juan to come forward for a reading of the Essential Rumi

Reading of the Essential Rumi

When I am with you, we stay up all night

When you’re not here, I can’t go to sleep

Praise God for these two insomnias!

And the difference between them

The minute I heard my first love story

I started looking for you

Not knowing how blind I was

Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere

They’re in each other all along

We are in the mirrors as well as the face in it

We are tasting the taste this minute

We are in pain and what cures pain, both

We are the sweet cold water and the jar that pours it

I want to hold you close like a lute so we can cry out with loving

You should rather throw stones at a mirror?

I am your mirror, and here are your stones.

Thank you, Juan. Our next poem is going to be read… by you.

Starting from Nelson’s side, going down each row, everyone has numbered lines of poetry on the back of their programs. Starting with number 1 and going through 24, we would ask that you each stand up and say the line of your poem in turn. The poem is entitled

To Love is not to Possess by James Kavanaugh

1- To love is not to possess,

2- To own or imprison,

3- Nor to lose one's self in another.

4- Love is to join and separate,

5- To walk alone and together,

6- To find a laughing freedom

7- That lonely isolation does not permit.

8- It is finally to be able

9- To be who we really are

10- No longer clinging in childish dependency

11- Nor docilely living separate lives in silence,

12- It is to be perfectly one's self

13- And perfectly joined in permanent commitment

14- To another–and to one's inner self.

15- Love only endures when it moves like waves,

16- Receding and returning gently or passionately,

17- Or moving lovingly like the tide

18- In the moon's own predictable harmony,

19- Because finally, despite a child's scars

20- Or an adult's deepest wounds,

21- They are openly free to be

22- Who they really are–and always secretly were,

23- In the very core of their being

24- Where true and lasting love can alone abide.

Thank you all. Well done indeed.

HAND READING

Now, to our bride and groom. I ask that you please take each others hand.

These are the hands of your best friend, young and strong and vibrant with love, that are

holding yours on your wedding day, as he promises to love you all of his days of his life. These

are the hands that will work alongside yours, as together you build your future, as you laugh and

cry, as you share your innermost secrets and dreams.

These are the hands that will wipe countless tears from your eyes; tears of sorrow and tears of

joy. These are the hands that will comfort you in illness, and hold you when fear of grief

overwhelm you.

RING EXCHANGE

By now the rings have been passed through out the room. And now, the rings have made their way from your loving hands which have endowed their precious medal with warmth and happiness to the hands that will bear them into the bonds of marriage.

Wedding rings have long been a symbol of love. Nelson and Meagan, these rings are a symbol of your love for each other. Your rings say that even in your uniqueness you have chosen to be bound together.

Let these rings also be a sign that love has substance as well as soul, a present as well as a past, and that, despite its occasional sorrows, love is a circle of happiness, wonder, and delight. May your lives and your family always be encircled by love.

Nelson, please take Meagan’s left hand in your own and repeat these words:

“I give you this ring as a symbol of our love” (repeat)

“As it encircles your finger,” (repeat)

“may it remind you always that you are surrounded” (repeat)

“by my enduring love and faithfulness”

(Nelson puts the ring on her finger)

Meagan. Please take Nelson’s hand and repeat after me.

“I give you this ring as a symbol of our love” (repeat)

“As it encircles your finger,” (repeat)

“may it remind you always that you are surrounded” (repeat)

“by my enduring love and faithfulness”

(Meagan puts the ring on Nelson’s finger)

I LIKE YOU POEM

The Bride has asked her brother, Jacob, to come up and read another short poem.

I Like You by Sandol Stoddard

I like you because

If you find two four-leaf clovers

You give me one

If I find four

I give you two

If we only find three

We keep on looking.

… I like you because if I am mad at you

Then you are mad at me too

It's awful when the other person isn't

They are so nice and hoo-hoo you could

just about punch them in the nose.

… I would go on choosing you

And you would

go on choosing me

Over and over again.

CLOSING:

Nelson, Meagan, you have professed your love by exchanging your vows. You have symbolized your commitment by exchanging rings. I have but one more question to ask…

Do you promise to outlive each other, to pull time apart for each other, to change the future together,

to always kiss goodnight, and to be the others’ player two for the rest of your days?

-I dos

Meagan and Nelson, you have just engaged in a perpetual war that will drain you to eternity.

And now, by the power vested in me- by these two –

MEAGAN:

Say Man and Wife:

DAN:

Man and wife! You may kiss the bride! Make it so!

*kisskiss*

*We return back down the aisle, Adam comes down aisle playing our first dance song, we have first dance at double doors leading in (Rupert Holmes- Escape)*

What's a Non-Tradional Bride to do?

Planning your wedding and need your feelings to be validated? Look no further.

The last 3 weeks leading up to my wedding were the most stressful part. Not because of nervousness, but anxiety. Over things not done and last minute changes. That all my planning and hard work was going unnoticed. Over spending quality time with all the people who were coming in to see US. Over people panicking over things I had deemed unimportant or had simply trusted in that it would just "work out". Especially when I had more important things on my mind like finding a new bartender and making an ipod playlist?

For every person that asked if I was excited, I just got knocked down another notch.

For every person that said it was time to just roll with it, I didn't feel comforted.

I didn't have that wow moment with my dress (I slept on it).

I didn't fall in love with my hair (even though I knew it was amazing and what I wanted).

So why should I feel excitement?

I felt stressed and I wanted it to be over (mostly).

(And mostly I wanted to chain smoke a pack of menthol cigarettes but the small part of me that was still sane wasn't willing to compromise my health).*

For the non-blushing bride, these things can feel depressing. Like- what's wrong with me?

The truth is, nothing is wrong and its OK to feel this way. We spend so much time and energy (some of us months and some of us years) planning the perfect evening that we know will last mere hours. Not everyone "feels" like a bride "should" and that's ok. There's no good way to handle these things. When someone asks if you are excited, you grin and say yes despite all those other feelings. And if you're lucky, your maid of honor lets you curse to her and go on a tangent.

I wish I could say I found a true outlet, and writing this blog out helped, but overall I did not. Although, IG accounts of cute bunnies did help take the edge off.


Also, if you are a guest at a wedding and it is not explicitly stated that you have a plus one - you DON'T have a plus one! Especially not two weeks before the wedding. *end rant*


In the end, everything DID work out. Almost 6 months later, we are still married ;)

PS Plan yourself a kick ass honeymoon to look forward to! Was the highlight of the week following the wedding!

*For the record, I'm not even a regular smoker- social at worst, never at best.

Bunny Bonding- the Longest Journey

Many of you already know we have pet bunnies. When most people find out- we are met with shock and AWWW.

Indy turned 7 this year. We've had him since 5 weeks!

Nero is turning 4? As a rescue, you can never be too sure.

Both are fixed, litter trained, and cohabiting. The road to get here was long and treacherous. But rewarding in the end. This is their story:

Indy has been an only child since he was an infant. So the introduction was not smooth. Nero was also a rescue, so not only did we not know his background he also had to get fixed and had other medical issues that cost us $800 in the end. It was many months before we could really start bonding the two.

When bonding bunnies, you have to start slow and in neutral territory. We used a fence and our back porch for this, as neither spent a lot of time there alone and Indy pretty much has free run of the whole house. We spent our free evenings out on the porch with them. Eventually, as they got more comfortable, we would go to the kitchen or living room and let them explore together until a scuffle would erupt. Lucky, both rooms are connected to the porch with sliding glass doors- better to keep a close eye on them.

Some days were good, they could be out together for hours on end without bickering. Other days, Indy just couldn't be bothered to have a little brother. We started to refer to Nero as Indy's shadow. He is much younger and just wanted to be near his new friend! Indy is middle aged, and most of the time wanted to be left alone. We also discovered Indy was territorial about his tent that he lounges in. SO we removed that from the equation for some time.

Many fights ended in tufts of fur floating around, but we were quick to interject and not leave them unattended in the beginning. Later on, Indy just grunted at Nero and he would scamper off. Nero learned when he wasn't welcome. But we would still scold Indy. Indy ended up in time out by himself on more than one occasion.

After what seemed like forever- we finally made the bold leap to take the fence down for good and see what happened. Its important to note that after closely watching them, I felt the time was right. They made it overnight without killing each other, there may have been some fur floating around, but no real damage was done so we let it go.

We're happy to report that there seems to be a mutual like between them now. One litter pan, one water bowl, one food dish. It remains clear Indy continues to be more dominant. But I'm pretty sure Nero is OK with that. Indy will actually try to get Nero to groom him, but Nero can be a loner so Indy does most of the grooming. And Nero is still Indy's shadow.