Tuesday, April 28, 2015

What's a Non-Tradional Bride to do?

Planning your wedding and need your feelings to be validated? Look no further.

The last 3 weeks leading up to my wedding were the most stressful part. Not because of nervousness, but anxiety. Over things not done and last minute changes. That all my planning and hard work was going unnoticed. Over spending quality time with all the people who were coming in to see US. Over people panicking over things I had deemed unimportant or had simply trusted in that it would just "work out". Especially when I had more important things on my mind like finding a new bartender and making an ipod playlist?

For every person that asked if I was excited, I just got knocked down another notch.

For every person that said it was time to just roll with it, I didn't feel comforted.

I didn't have that wow moment with my dress (I slept on it).

I didn't fall in love with my hair (even though I knew it was amazing and what I wanted).

So why should I feel excitement?

I felt stressed and I wanted it to be over (mostly).

(And mostly I wanted to chain smoke a pack of menthol cigarettes but the small part of me that was still sane wasn't willing to compromise my health).*

For the non-blushing bride, these things can feel depressing. Like- what's wrong with me?

The truth is, nothing is wrong and its OK to feel this way. We spend so much time and energy (some of us months and some of us years) planning the perfect evening that we know will last mere hours. Not everyone "feels" like a bride "should" and that's ok. There's no good way to handle these things. When someone asks if you are excited, you grin and say yes despite all those other feelings. And if you're lucky, your maid of honor lets you curse to her and go on a tangent.

I wish I could say I found a true outlet, and writing this blog out helped, but overall I did not. Although, IG accounts of cute bunnies did help take the edge off.

Also, if you are a guest at a wedding and it is not explicitly stated that you have a plus one - you DON'T have a plus one! Especially not two weeks before the wedding. *end rant*

In the end, everything DID work out. Almost 6 months later, we are still married ;)

PS Plan yourself a kick ass honeymoon to look forward to! Was the highlight of the week following the wedding!

*For the record, I'm not even a regular smoker- social at worst, never at best.

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